Show Me the Way ~ by Mary
I am a compulsive overeater and a sugar addict and also a grateful member of Overeaters Anonymous. Before coming into OA I used sugar to calm my nerves and I was always nervous. I had a marriage that was dysfunctional and I thought it was my husband's entire fault. I tried to match his addiction with my addiction and every time he went to get his drug of choice I would tell him to get me some candy also. I had to start in another 12-step program to see that I also had a problem and that mine was food. I learned that when I pointed my finger at him, there was three pointing back at me and it forced me to look at my food problem. I had been on diets all my life, my problem is the yo-yo syndrome, my weight went up and down and then up again. I always thought that if I just found the magic fix that I would be ok.
I struggled with my food and battled my sugar addiction. I was at a very low point in my life and after a health scare I had to give up cigarettes and then I really saw that I had a problem with food. I had tried all the other diets out there and I knew that OA was my last choice. If this didn't work I didn't know what else to do.
It was not until I walked into the doors of OA that I learned that I had a disease of the body, mind and spirit. OA is a three-fold program spiritual, mental, and physical. I had to learn to accept myself and allow a higher power in my life to heal my malady. It wasn't easy but with all the support from the people in the rooms of OA I finally made it. We have a saying that says "We will love you until you love yourself" and I never understood how anyone could love me and I thought I never would love myself. Through working the 12 steps of OA, with a sponsor, I learned that I am a child of God and he loves me just the way I am today with all my warts, bulges, and imperfections. I have given up my magic fix theory and learned that one day at a time my Higher Power will restore me to sanity, because what I did with food was truly insanity. I gave up sugar and I stayed abstinent for 3 years and then I slipped back into my addiction. I was very disappointed in myself but I kept coming back to OA even when the sugar felt like it was crawling out the walls of my house. It really wasn't and today I can admit that I was bringing most of it in and I was angry with God for letting this happen to me. I spoke about this at meeting and when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired I said "Ok God, I can't do it, show me the way."
Today I have been off sugar for quite awhile and I finally have learned that the answer to my problems in not in that piece of chocolate cake or candy bar. Today the answer is with my Higher Power and I know that turning my life over to a power greater than myself restores me to sanity. Today I have the strength and courage to face each day because I know I do not need to do it alone, I have the program to help me one day at a time. I thank Overeaters Anonymous for my recovery and for the relief I have with my obsession about food.